Breaking News: Rain on Homecoming Day

David Madill

In a stunning turn of events, it rained on homecoming day this year. Such a tragic weather outcome, which has only happened the past five years, was totally unexpected and took many by surprise.

“I thought that, after five years, the weather might get tired of mocking our festivities,” one student said.

That student was wrong. Another student, however, had a theory that seems to ring true. “Homecoming actually causes bad weather,” they said. “It’s the universe’s way of telling us that 80s dance moves were better.”

Either way, the precipitation that came down the Friday before fall break was no joke. In fact, there was little to laugh about all night, because Mr. Corman wasn’t there. While he wasn’t known for his dance moves, or for dancing at all, it was always interesting to watch his face turn progressively grimmer as the music got louder and the dancing got crazier. Still, other teachers rose to his place with their condemning stares denying any thought that they may have been in high school once.

As for the football game, there was indeed a football game. It involved a football. Nothing more needs to be said about the football game.

While rain did not fall during the actual homecoming game, there was enough moisture on the field and in the stands to get everyone’s fancy clothing wet. The only student who benefitted from having a moist rear was one who had fallen in the mud earlier. “I was really muddy all over my butt,” he said. “Sliding around on the stands was not only fun; it made my pants a solid color again so that my date didn’t think I had had an accident.” It seems this weather was a better alternative than at least one unfortunate event, at least for him.

A scientific perspective on what might have caused rain this year is rather boring. It has to do with ocean temperatures, high and low pressure areas, and cloud saturation. That’s boring, so we’ll choose not to try to explain it.

School administration is considering moving homecoming to Christmas Eve in hopes of causing a white Christmas.

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