Satire: Manning Partners with Cosby, Armstrong in New Fashion Store Named “Cover Up”

David Madill

Citing a desire to look toward his post-football days, Peyton Manning has joined Lance Armstrong and Bill Cosby in opening a clothing store designed for guys who cultivate that “nice guy” image. Manning and Armstrong promise athletic apparel that is specifically cut to “show off a little bit of muscle without coming across as too strong,” as their website says, while Cosby brings humorous flair to the table, completing the perception that this will be a business founded on good, old fashioned, morally sound values.

“We’re not going to cheat or cut corners,” Manning said outside of his Papa John’s parsonage in Denver. “This is all about providing services to people with a smile.” He then excused himself to the restroom, explaining that he was on a lot of different medications to recover from his recent Super Bowl run.

“Lance, Peyton and I have all been good friends since 2003, when we all used the same lawyers. People were getting a little snippy with the three of us, but we persevered and really bonded through it all,” Cosby said when asked how the three came to be such good friends. “Since then we’ve all had a lot of experience with the media, showing everyone how upstanding we are, which is the goal of ‘Cover Up’ for ordinary men. Between us and our lawyers, we really know the ‘Cover Up’ business and clientele.”

Meanwhile, Armstrong was unavailable for comment. He was reportedly out recruiting other investors, such as Barry Bonds and Tiger Woods, to the “Cover Up” brand.  

“Cover Up” plans to expand into the drug and medication market, with all three of its founders claiming to have experience in the field.

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