Satire: “Six Hour Day a Failure,” Students Say

David Madill

As the school year winds to an end, the students of West High have been doing a little reflection upon their most recent year in the educational system they receive absolutely free. The conclusion they have reached? This year’s new schedule, which featured six hour-long classes instead of five 75 minute classes, was a total failure and should never be used again.

One student, dubbed the ringleader of a “Five or Bust” movement, encouraged students to think about their schedules this year versus last year. “This year, I had extra space in my schedule to take an elective of my choice,” they wrote on posters taped all over the halls. “I chose a JCTC course in computer graphics, and now my hopes of being an ‘undergraduate studies’ major in college are dashed – I know that I want to be a graphic designer!” Furthermore, the group claims that hour-long classes feel longer than 75 minute classes because “you know the bell could ring any minute.”

In an attempt to rally support, the group staged a flash mob in the extra five minutes of hall time they have between fifth and sixth block because of the additional class change. Holding signs such as “Too Much Walking,” “Sixth Block Equals 666,” and “We Elect Less Electives,” they danced and sang “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round” to the tune of “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” All were amazed at the spectacle and musical talent, though they did not necessarily agree with the protester’s reasoning.

“I actually like the six-period day,” a sophomore piped up when interviewed at the scene of the protest. “It lets me take an extra gym class- weight training- to help me prepare for football season.”

Such a viewpoint is clearly a minority, though, among high schoolers who just needed something to complain about. It seems unanimous approval is hard to find for any plan having to do with teenagers who are about to be real adults, especially if it requires them to go to class.

On the federal level, lawmakers are also considering shortening the number of months in the year to cut back on the occurrences of Friday the thirteenth.

 

 

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